The Curse of the May Newsletter

May Newsletter

I have been told that I have cursed the team because of my inability to write a May newsletter, so I'd like to apologize to the players, coaches, the fans and most importantly Chizzle.

I hope in writing this today on June 4th, that the Grizzlies will get out of their funk and win their first game.  If not I vow to spend one entire game in June in the freezing dunk tank, while wearing a Forest City Owls shirt.

While on the subject of the Dunk Tank, on Opening Night I was dunked 13 times and 3 times in a row by an 8-year old girl.  I'd ask that all of the grown men and former baseball players that didn't even come close to the target seek the girl prodigy for some pitching lessons.

I will end this Newsletter abruptly to begin a winning séance on the field before the game. We have pulled out all stops to end the winning streak including feeding our players Donut Burgers before the game and even wearing Forest City Owls undershirts to bed. Yesterday, Chizzle burned all of the players bats before practice.  When the players arrived they were left clueless and upset.  We quickly decided to send our interns into the woods behind the park to begin cutting down trees to use for bats.  We had all of them put lightning bolts on the bats and inscribed Wonderboy on them. We have even brought Striker back into the office to end the streak. Surprisingly Striker and Chizzle have become friends and spent the entire day together jumping around in our Bounce House and taking turns in the dunk tank as the other one threw softballs at the bulls eye.  For the record Chizzle dunked Striker 11 times, and Striker failed to dunk Chizzle.

Well I'm off to begin my pregame ritual on the roof at Sims and hope for the best.  Tonight is the Night...Let's Go Griz!

February Newsletter

As pitchers and catchers report to spring training I can’t help but get excited about the upcoming season.

This is the one time during the year that every team believes they will win the World Series.  Even Ryan Dempster predicted a championship this year for the Chicago Cubs of all teams. (People failed to tell him that the Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908).

There are other question marks that fill major league camps this spring.  Will the rookies be able to step it up? Are some of the veterans over the hill? And will the bullpen hold up throughout 162 games?

We with the Grizzlies also have numerous questions this spring.  Can we go from last place to first in '08?  Will the Forest City Owls compete at all with us this season? Will coach Eli Benefield finally hit his growth spurt?  Will Striker show up in good shape and be able to pump up the crowd like he did back in 2003? 

As you can tell these are serious concerns. However, I can tell you the Grizzlies have put to rest many of my concerns with the way they have started their college seasons.

• Josh Collazo (Oklahoma Baptist) has hit 6 home runs in his last four games and is batting .391 with 6 HR’s and 26 Rbi’s through 11 games.
• Joey Stevens (Pensacola) is batting .441 with 5 doubles and 9 Rbi’s
• Kyle Koeneman (Walters State) went 8-11 this past weekend with his second home run and 8 Rbi’s.
• Ian Waldron (Arizona Western) won his first game, pitching 6 innings and only allowing 1 run.
• Chad Hunter (Walters State) has 3 home runs and 4 stolen bases to start the year.
• Brent Davis (St. Edwards) pitched 4 shut out innings and struck out 5 in his last outing.

Beginning on February 22nd all of the Grizzlies that play Division 1 will begin their season and we will continue to give you updates on their progress.

In other news, the entire Grizzlies front office staff (Me and Jamie, our Assistant GM) went to a food trade show in Myrtle Beach to make sure only the best food will be served at Sims this summer.

We began the trade show very focused.  Jamie and I went from booth to booth trying out all the different types of ballpark food such as burgers, hot dogs, chicken tenders, french fries and ice cream.  However, I quickly began to lose focus. 

On Tuesday February 12th from 10:00 until 2:00, my wildest dreams were answered.  I was right in the middle of an entire convention center filled with every type of food under the sun.

For the next 4 hours I realized why this is the greatest country in the world and I began devouring anything and everything that came into my line of site.  Steaks, burritos, sesame chicken, portobello mushroom raviolis, grilled chicken breast and fried shrimp didn’t stand a chance.

At 2:00 Jamie slowly wheeled me out of the convention center and we began the ride back to Gastonia.  The four hour eating binge was one of the greatest experiences of my life.  While it left me immobile for 3 days afterwards it was definitely worth it. More importantly we were able to choose some outstanding food and I guarantee to all our fans that our food this summer will be top of the line. 

Next month we will release our 2008 promotional schedule that I’m sure will create some excitement in Gastonia.  We have planned numerous surprises and giveaways that you will not want to miss.  We appreciate all of the votes on the fan poll and I’ll let you know that grizzlies t-shirts, whoopee cushions and bobble heads are running away as favorites for giveaway items this season.  If you have any questions, want to talk baseball or if any females would like to cook me dinner you can email me at jesse@gastoniagrizzlies.com.

I look forward to hearing from you all and can’t wait until the season starts and in true Ryan Dempster form I’d like to predict a Championship for the Grizzlies in 08’. (If anyone would like to call me out on that claim, I will just say that you misheard or misremembered me…Thank you Roger for that logic).

Striker 

           Josh Collazo

             Jesse Cole, GM

January Newsletter

I hope all you crazy Grizzly fans out there had a tremendous holiday and New Year.  All of us here in the office are real excited about what this New Year will bring for the Grizzlies. 

Many people often ask with the season taking place during the summer, what do you do during the off season?

Well for the first time ever, I’ll give you a sneak peek into the life of a GM, detailing a typical day this January.

Midnight-4:00AM:  Prepare myself for break in of Forest City Owls office.  I quickly get dressed as a custodian with fake mustache and glasses.  At 1:00 AM, I break into the office and install bugging devices on every phone and underneath their desk lamp. I then place Grizzly bumper stickers all over the office that say, “Fear the Grizz!” 

4:15: Bedtime

7:00: Wake up on home plate at Sims Legion Park, immediately get up and take vicious air swings and hit a monstrous game winning homerun. Circle the bases yelling “The Grizz Wins!”

7:01: Headfirst slide into home plate, and yell “Fear the Grizz Baby!”

7:02-7:17: Catch breath in dugout after being winded from the celebration.

7:18 Eat 4 hot dogs and 3 boxes of cracker jacks and wash it down with a blue slushy.

7:20: Put on Full Grizzlies uniform including eye black, stirrups, batting gloves and a helmet.

7:25: Batting Practice on the field, done by flipping the ball to myself in the air.

8:00-10:00: Nap in the dugout.

10:05: Prank call Forest City Owls GM, James Wolfe, by yelling into phone “Fear the Grizz! Grizz Gonna Get Ya!

10:06: Sit in the office and reflect how making a prank call using my organization’s name is not the smartest move I could have made.

10:10: Call back Forest City GM, James Wolfe with tape recorder rolling.  Phone call did not go as planned. During the first 2 minutes I deny the accusations and blame everything on our mascot Striker.  However, James saw right through my denials and I was forced to confess.  I broke down into tears and said to James “What do you want me to do James? I’ll go to jail. Tell me what you want me to do? James said “I want you to tell the truth" and then hung up on me.

10:10: Try to set up an interview with Mike Wallace on 60 minutes. He does not return my calls.  Instead I fine myself $5 and suspend myself for the rest of afternoon and issue a press release saying that the suspension was hasty and unfair and that I would appeal it through the proper channels.

10:15: Win appeal with myself; begin work feeling refreshed and vindicated that my name had been cleared.

10:30: Feeling so good about myself I challenge Striker to a race around the bases.  However, my self-confidence is quickly brought down as I lose to Striker by a stride, making me the first person to ever lose to Striker in a mascot race.

10:30: Spend an hour designing the first ever General Manager Rookie Baseball Card.  It doesn’t come out the way I hope.

11:00: Practice the wave with Striker in the main grandstand.

11:15:  Typical lunch which includes cotton candy, 2 ice cream bars, bucket of popcorn, 3 double cheeseburgers, 3 hot dogs, nachos, chicken fingers and a basket of fries.

11:30-1:00: Pass out in concession stand from sugar induced coma.

1:30: Put on Sumo Wrestling Suit and challenge Assistant GM, Jamie Curtis to a duel.  I am knocked down within 5 seconds and declared a loser by Striker who was our referee for the contest. 

1:45: Prank Call Forest City GM, James Wolfe, saying “Grizz Gonna Get Ya!”

2:00: Begin calling around the league to make trades, all of my calls are screened.

2:15: Hold Press Conference announcing my hiring as new GM of the Gastonia Grizzlies. This is the 23rd time I have held this press conference and each time only one person from the press has showed up. I would just like to thank 9-year-old Mike Donoghue from Woodhill Elementary School for coming.

2:30: Plan next “recruiting” vacation, to Puerto Rico to bring in some top talent to Gastonia this summer.

3:00: Begin calls to local business selling advertising in the ballpark.  Begin every phone call with “Grizz gonna get ya….. to advertise in our ballpark.”  However, I am hung up on every time before I get to the part about advertising.

4:00: Police show up to investigate possible prank calls originating from Grizzlies office.  I immediately blame it all on Striker so he would take the fall.  He is taken away in a bear trap and brought into custody (The local zoo).

5:00: Striker arrives back at the ballpark after police realize he is not an actual grizzly bear and he actually has to be home for curfew. To make amends with Striker I provide him 4 pounds of Honey and 3 Donuts.

5:30: Dress up as the Thomasville Hi-Toms Mascot and begin preparations to break into their office. 

As you can tell, we here with the Grizzlies are taking this season very seriously.  We are trying to find every edge and advantage to become not only the best team in the Coastal Plain League but in all of America and Panama.   

Recruiting

Like I mentioned briefly in my day in the life section, recruiting is a big part of what we do with the Grizzlies.

This year we developed an all-new recruiting strategy of bringing in new and exciting players from all over the country.  The strategy was hatched when I took a well deserved all expense paid vacation (on company credit card) after my first week with the Grizzlies.

Shortly after arriving in Hawaii, I noticed a young man throwing baseballs into the ocean.  His name was Chester Wilson, and while his yelling after each throw was a little weird, the kid had a cannon for an arm.  I quickly walked over to him and found that he has trained this way for years.  I pulled out a contract and signed him on the spot. 

Later, as I lounged on a hammock between two palm trees, I knew that I could enjoy many more all expense paid vacations by employing this new recruiting “strategy.”

Soon after, I made trips to Miami, Texas, Iowa, Missouri, Washington, and Arkansas and signed some solid players including, Josh Collazo, Joey Stevens, Mark Cohoon, Bryant Lopez, Ian Waldron and Derek Ward.

Upcoming trips include Montana, Las Angeles, Canada and Japan.  Hey, I’ll go wherever the talent is.

Trade Talks

Along with recruiting, making trades is a very important part of the business.  However, so far this off-season I have been coming up short in my efforts to trade for some top talent. 

I have contacted the Braves to help in their youth movement by offering 4 interns from last season for John Smoltz, however they have not returned my calls.

We are also in the process of working out a blockbuster trade with the Forest City Owls.  At this point we have offered Striker, 2 Grizzly baseballs, our Assistant GM, Jamie Curtis and the snow cone machine for their All-Star pitcher.  However, Forest City’s GM, James Wolfe is not interested.  I am still hopeful a deal can be reached and I might be willing to throw in a free pitching lesson as well as do James Wolfe’s laundry for the next month to make sure a deal gets done.

On a personal level, I really need a new plasma screen TV for my bedroom so I have offered an intriguing deal to Best Buy in Gastonia that includes the new voice of the Grizzlies, Brian Rushing, Assistant Coach Alan Sandburg, the brand new pitching machine and 2 Fungos.  At this time, Best Buy has not responded to my offer.

New Years Resolutions

• Set realistic goals and expectations for the team.
• Become the greatest team and organization in the history of the universe (Anything less is unacceptable)
• Sell out opening night May 28th vs. Martinsville Mustangs
• Kidnap Forest City Owl and convert him to a Grizzly fan.
• For Striker not to appear in the Fox hit show “When Wild Animals Attack.”
• After this years “Win a Date with a Grizzly Promotion,” for Coach Benefield not to get dumped at the end of the night, but rather finally meet the woman of his dreams.
• To set the World Record for the longest wave at a baseball game, even if this means that I have to go from seat to seat to keep it going.
• Have the most fun, enjoyable and exciting season that the Grizzlies have ever had.

I appreciate all of the fan mail from the last newsletter.  However, none of the questions were related to baseball.  We are not experts in grizzly bears.  Mike Coyle, I would recommend that you contact the animal control about the grizzly bear that you saw in your backyard.  Remember fans we are not equipped to answer general bear questions or bear safety questions.  However, if you have any sports related questions about our team please email me at jesse@gastoniagrizzlies.com.  I look forward to hearing from you all and can’t wait to see you opening night on May 28th.

           Jesse Cole, GM

          "Fear the Grizz!"

  9 year old Mike Donoghue

              James Wolfe

            Forest City GM

November Newsletter

What a tremendous battle this is shaping up to be; An Owl versus a Grizzly Bear! My early prediction: The Grizzlies sweep the Owls in 2008.

In other news:
We have some big surprises coming up in December.  Let me just say, big signings (I don’t want to give anything away, but the all time home run king might end up playing in Gastonia this summer).  Hopefully that will hold you over for the next couple of weeks.

We also would like to announce some of the promotions we have already planned for the season. On our final home game, Diamond World will give us a diamond ring to bury in the infield dirt and all of the fans will have an opportunity to Dig for the Diamond and win a brand new diamond ring.  We expect numerous women and desperate men dueling it out for this beautiful ring.  We are anticipating players, coaches, umpires and mascots will partake as well.  My money is on Coach Benefield, while not the most athletic guy in the world, he is the quite the scrapper.

Jesse Cole, GM